Dating a Catholic Girl
She was nice, bubbly, pretty, fun -
at least she was until she bought up religion.
It doesn’t matter if your Buddhist, Sikh, Muslim, Jew
that is just something you never do.
It’s romantic suicide.
Anyway, when we got inside
and I had sat down fearing whats next
and I have my drink as a kind of social crutch
and she drops the bomb:
“I think the most important thing is religion.”
my head kinda swings as if on a lose hinge:
“Uhuh”, I say
and I wonder what’s next;
I didn’t even wanna go out with this bitch
it was my mate Dave who pushed me to date,
I wanted to stay home and masterbate.
I’m good at that.
“My dad -”
Oh god she’s bringing in dads,
that’s not good, that’s really not good,
Im begging, praying for the awaited food
but she continues:
“my dad thinks sex before marriage is bad – don’t you?”
No I don’t.
I think it’s probably fun.
But I nod emphatically, ready to run.
“You do?” she asks,
I continue this dreaded farce.
“Shame” she says sadly
I’m still nodding quite hard and madly,
and then she leans forward and whispers thus:
“Coz I want you to taste my tarte de Cunnilingus”.